Dedicated to Jesus

Dear sweet Jesus,

How are you doing today? I hope I find You well despite your always busy days taking care of us down here. Thanks to You I am doing fine like always. I am sure that You already know what I am going to tell You (to ask You to be exact). People pray to You to ask You for something they want or to thank You for something You've done for them. That's what people agreed to do. We are taught for so long to come to You in needs. Yet sometimes, I think and say to myself, why should I talk to you for something that I want or for something that I need to thank You when You already know what's in my heart and what's on my mind.
Sometimes I feel that it's useless talking to You, since You already know what I am going say. Anyway Jesus, as I am trying to be part of the society, I talk to You occasionally. Or rarely to be precise. I'm truly sorry if I have singled You out and hardly be Your company when You feel lonely. Do You feel loneliness?

Uh…, anyway.. Since You know everything more than I do, You know that's not why I really want to talk about. I want to talk about something else. As You know, I had IELTS test last week for ADS. It was not bad, but to me it was not good either. As an English letters graduate, I felt so stupid. But, I was a bit relieved when one of my friends whose training program was in Oz said that he met some ADS grantees whose English were not as good as he thought. And now my heart's fast beat goes to the interview next week.

Ow, what the heck.. You know what I want Jesus. You know that it is my desire to be one of those grantees this year. Do You think that I would make it? I hope I would. But then again, who am I to ask?

Sometimes I feel that I do not deserve asking you anything. You've given me a lot and I haven't thank You enough. Sometimes I think that its' not my right to ask You, even for a very tiny favor because I'm just a small fragment, a very tiny dot from the whole dots seen from Your place. But then again, to call such thing about myself seems to be unfair to You because You have created me and granted me with wonderful life. I would also underestimate Your work since I am part of "human being corps", what so called as one of Your perfect creations.

Sometimes at night, I really want to ask You to just grant me with my wish and fly me to the Netherlands with Stuned or to Oz with APS or ADS. I think I did ask You for the first two. But as I recall, You did not give me the green light. Well, I am not saying that I blame You for that. Sometimes I'm mad at You because You did not give me what I want even when I think I have asked You for positive things. But then again, I said to my self that You know what is best for me more than I do. So why bother blaming You? Perhaps I misunderstood You. Surely You would not bestow upon me any catastrophe.

So, even what I really want to ask You is to granting me with the scholarship to Oz this year, I guess it's better that I ask You to guide me through the rest and carry me when I'm down, like the way You always do. For I know, no matter what You decide, it would certainly best for me.

Yours truly,
Sasa